4 Sep 2007 - Scolding from boss

Atlas, it seems that the peacefulness and neutrality i felt within me yesterday was not to last.

The morning was normal enough, and i worked 'normally'. But i had a registered mail to post today, and so i left at 1pm to post it.

But because my lunch buddies had some stuff to take care of, it wasn't until 1:30 then we walked over to IMM, and it was like 1:50 when i got in queue for the mail. 20+ minutes queue, 20+ minutes lunch, and another 15 minutes walk back.

I was getting pretty worried, but my friend just took his time.

Its times like this i hate myself. I knew i was in trouble, yet i stayed and pretended nothing was going on.

Suffice to say i got a very big scolding from my boss. After all, i already 'sabo-ed' him on friday where he was made to churn out the work i owe those idiots people who i couldn't find. They pass me work, i do for them, then when i need to find them to clarify stuff or pass back to them, i can't find them.

Okay, it becomes my fault. Huh?

But you have to realise, its one of the things people do. And my working attitude is passive. You pass me thing, you collect it yourself. After all, it is YOUR thing right?

But boss is right. Somehow all the things i've done is like sabo-ing him. I swear that i didn't really mean to. Just that.. perhaps i've lost interest in this job from the beginning.

Or maybe i was begrudging the fact that i've only had 1 week of intense fun after my 'no leave no off ORD (remember i had to work til my last day)', that i didn't have enough rest.

I feel burned out. Maybe from all the activities i've been going to. Or just lack of sleep. Or maybe the fact that i feel my job scope doesn't suit me.

Excuses? Self pity? But seriously, i wasn't expecting to stay for so long. I came in with the idea that:
1) I'm just testing. I don't like the job in the first place, but never hurts to try. Besides, you need to try something before you decide whether you like it or not.
2) I may leave anytime, so don't need to make too many friends, it gets harder to leave.
3) They're paying me so low anyway, what do you want?

Let me tell you straight. These 3 work attitudes will kill you if applied to a real job. So don't ever do it.

Anyone with some work experience will know that going to a job you don't like everyday is a horrible feeling. You'll be counting the hours til its time to go home, and when you do, you're counting the hours before you go home the next day.

Somehow, somewhere along the line i lost my motto of 'if you're going to do it, do it well, or don't do it at all'. I wonder where i dropped that.

And seriously, i would have left a long time ago if not for my boss. He's the nicest boss i ever had. And yet, i've let him down too many times. I guess i should leave so i won't be a burden anymore.

They'll get used to not having me around anyway, they just have to do a bit more work on their side.

And hey, everyone's happy right?

P.S (Sorry i couldn't join you today Jack. Really not in the mood to. Hope you had fun at the Pasar Malam.)

P.S.S (I got my domain aaronpeng.org up, but there's nothing there yet. Going to take some time before i can get wordpress all nice and pretty, and import my blog over. I'm definately not going to do it these couple of days though).

P.S.S.S (Sorry weiquan, ivan, budee, Yingying, linjie that i wasn't able to go to JP for dinner. I'm just not in the mood, if you read the monday post you'll understand. But if there's a chance like that again i would definately go. Actually, if She had asked, i would be there! But thankfully for my nerves that night, she didn't.. Hope you guys had fun with your mahjong)