I shall remain optimistic

For various reasons

I realise that if you smile when talking to the 'customers', most of the time they will smile back and be nice...

Most of the time they will also understand your problems if you tell them nicely and with sincerity.

Unfortunately not alot of people do that... there are some who takes pure joy in rejecting people, and reflecting them.

What they dun understand is that in the end, those rejected people and people who get bounced around... comes back to me.

Because i'm the medic they sees 99% of the time...

i'm sure if everyone adopts my attitude my workload will be shared and shared again to maybe 25%.

But nah, that's a dream world in which it'll never happen.

I will remain the way i am, busy, but at least i'm glad for the help that's being offered from the newer medics..

Thanks guys... you have no idea how much i appreciate it..~

Thursday - many incidents -

The spate of bad luck goes on:

Sent the ambulance to PLMC to escort the guy back, but it turned out that their ambulance left about the same time we did. Beh.
You should know what happens next.

(no lar, they didn't meet halfway... this isn't a romance flick)

Anyways, just guess lor.

The ECG machinebroke down on us... and CNMO came over today too.

Soo many things...

Then the printer spoilt =_=. Cannot print things out. To make things worse some guy needed to sail, and some people need their excuses and referral letters. Beh, there was even a case.

Then while a certain medic was typing in the entry for the injured guy, he went out and drew blood... he came back like 30 minutes later.. then the guy and the Lta just sat infront of the counter while i did my stuff. sheesh.

There was even an injection for him too, and i didn't know.

Sometimes i think some people really need to be more responsible. Maybe they're just being like that because its NS... or maybe they are just like that?

I remember once in attachment my boss asked me, "Aaron, you know what it feels like when you work so hard and do so much, only to have someone else pull down your work?"

I didn't quite understand then. I understood now.

Yeap, i'm definately trying too hard. I need a target, like what Yanxun says. Or maybe i should just salsa... hahaaha...

Wednesday - Duty... NS men! -

Wednesday was duty day again.

Its been peaceful for the past few duties, maybe that's why this duty so many things happen huh?

Let me recount... other than being normally busy, i was subjected to a civil defense thing, meaning i have to dress up in a CD suit...

Yawns.

I also had 10 ns-men in the medical centre with me. That, combined with 7 OJT medics, + 2 other duty medics and drivers, + 2 extra stay in medics, adds up to a total of 21? Normally we have 4 - 5 people staying in but wow. This really takes the cake.

It felt like a party of sorts, or according to Cheehan, a resort... the ns-men were okay, but its still weird.. initially we didn't want to turn on the computer, actually we were instructed not to, but cheehan missed the briefing and ended up the ns-men used them..

They also asked for coins and shower foam from me, and in the end we put out some stretchers for them...

To make things worse there's another casualty from the ship. We had to send him to PLMC, and the MO in charge wanted to send him there to the sickbay while the MO there wanted him sent to the hospital.

okay lar, its just a little mess up, but with the tv on and so many other pple... its a bit hard to think =_=

Slept at 12:30, after watching the premiership highlights. Thankfully, nothing happened after that.

Tuesday - Despatch day - Dreams -

Even though i didn't get much sleep yesterday, i managed to survive the morning.
Was able to leave earlier cause i had something to despatch, and i reached home at around 3, to see the new tv in action.

The dvd recorder was spolit though. beh. So much for that.

After lunch, i slept at close to 5+. Got woken up at 9+ and 12+, but i decided to sleep anyways, til about 1:45. Where i got woken up by mosquitoes. hmmph. There were several bite sites, at least 5, and i was having this strange dream too.

Somehow the place of this dream, i feel like i've been in there quite a few times. or was it the same place?

It goes something like this:

I was wearing this bag, and i'm walking around looking for something, i walked through the entire floor, but didn't manage to find what i'm looking for.

Then i see a couple of girls, and i asked one of them why she's so cheerful all the time, how did she do it?

She just walked away from the other girl, and i was left chasing after her. And then i woke up cause of them mosquitoes.

Somehow i think this girl in question would be jaslyn.

Okay, the dream makes no sense whatsoever when i try to put it in words, its hard to write down feelings in dreams after all.

After i woke up i turned on the air con, trying to freeze them little buggers to death, had some noodles, and then decided to blog.

I should be sleeping again soon, for 3 hours at least ... uninterrupted i hope.~ I'm on duty later too..

Monday - =/ and ^_^s

=/ for the CD training.

=/ to Kaili for saying i'm chubby, and then added in a forceful cute when i asked if there's anything better to say.

=/ for needing to go down to PS, when i'm feeling a bit out of it.

^_^ for finally returning the cable box.

^_^ for being able to have dinner with budee, even though it was a really late one.

Wow.. a few faces to sum up the entire day..~

Sunday - Sleep - Bought new TV -

I had a nightmare~~ Sorta.

I dreamt that i overslept... i slept til 4+pm. Then when i woke up, i realised that i was late for work.. or something, and that it was too late to get a MC. And the strange thing was that no one called my HP.

Then my sgt said it would be the last time he cover up for me.

Which is darn weird, cause he would never do that.

Okay. This just proves that i'm too tired =_=

I slept at 5+, and woke up at 11+ cause the TV was spolit and mom wanted to watch something in my room. I ate a bit, then went back to sleep at around 12:30+, til about 5pm.

Mom say go IMM and shop, so i got ready, then all of us left... walked around Popular for a while, saw Jianyong there and chatted up with him a bit, then left for IMM.

IMM was packed.. panasonic was having its last day of sales, and so it happened that our TV was spolit today... so we talked alot, and eventually got a DVD recorder also.

Okay, i lost the mood to blog liao. Somehow i feel that i sorta wasted my weekend. sighh.
Just spent it sleeping.

Oh yea, talking about Salsa, even though i attended the lesson only once. Everyone in the medical centre is talking about it, like i'm a darn pro.

Wah liew eh! Very funny right guys? grrr.

I'm trying to be more positive each day, i don't know why, but at least being positive each day makes the day easier to go by...

Tomorrow feels like it'll be a busy day... behz.~~
I want to LIVE my life, not go through it each day just like that..

Maybe i'll do something different at night. Just maybe.~

Saturday - Storm and match @ Sembawang -

I almost couldn't wake up... really.

Its been a struggle to wake up in the mornings the past week, especially the past few days.
Sighh.

Eventually i stood up, and went to do the basic stuff...

Reached sembawang MRT at 8:10, waited for the rest til 8:30, took cab over to camp, walked to medical centre, changed, attended lecture on respiratory diseases, attended practical on ETT and chest tube insertion, attended practical on the new Sharp set, i forgot the last one, and then we had to do a soccer match between Tuas and Changi.

We lost 4-3, then its time to go home.

Okay okay, there's really nothing much to say here. I'm supposed to like meet Jaslyn for a movie but we changed it at the last moment since the timing was way off, and she has another appointment.

So i ended up going home with a packet of chicken rice at 4+, and i slept at 5.. til now. 12.

I'm glad i finally got my rest.

Friday - Finally met up Kaili - Slacked at Jaslyn's -

Yesterday was a decent enough day..

As expected it was busy, and there were 8 new medics who will be doing on job training at our place, before going for their Underwater Medic course.

The highlight of the day would be after work though, when i went over to JP cause Kaili happened to be there to buy some clothes for her new work. Welll... i didn't have anything to do, even though i was really tired. The past week's work has taken its toll on me.

I saw her straightaway at John little.. she was with her sister, and she looked quite... small.

I followed her up to the 3rd floor, when i happened to see Jaslyn working at milkboy again. So i went in. That was like... 6:45-7?

After sitting around a bit, i told Kaili that i'll be in the shop, and asked her to come... she arrived like 15 minutes later.

Hmm, you're probably wondering who Kaili is. Well, she's a friend's friend, whom i knew through msn about a year ago. We've never quite got the chance to meet up til now, so i was actually a bit nervous lar. Thankfully we hit it quite well, cause we do know each other, and we've been chatting on the phone for some time anyhows.

She looks small from far, but when you're actually talking to her she somehow looks much better. Its kinda weird to explain, but she looks pretty good, sorta like the picture in my mind. Someone who's mental image and real life image that didn't differ that much.

This is the total opposite of the Gerlind meeting. lol. ah well.

We chatted a bit, then she left to buy her clothes...

I stayed on at Jaslyn's shop, and basically stayed on til the shop close.

Hey, i wanted to leave earlier, but somehow i just ended up staying there. It was kinda interesting though, people who come in the shop to buy stuff... i even saw a couple of pretty girls... just a couple.

And Jaslyn keeps on trying new clothes. whew. I swear she's trying to wear all the clothes in the shop... that can fit her anyways. Thankfully she only asked me for my opinion half the time =_=

She took up hip hop too, and she's pretty good at it. Somehow i forgot that she's a para para dancer..

Oh yea, a guy even asked for her number. I've never seen this done before though. The guy was pretty confident, went in straight, and almost had a china accent. Guess he's been through this alot of times..

I just looked on blankly. Keep in mind that my mind is foggy.

Speaking of that.. when i tried to do some basic calculations, i had to do it like 10 times =_='''
I couldn't believe it. I felt like a retard. damn. i swear the SAF is trying to kill my mental cells.

Well i finally reached home at 11+, and slept at 12+...

Thursday - What a busy day -

As i said, my comrade in arms who battles the reception together with me is on dental MC, which basically means...

All the phone calls looking for me are mine, while most of the phone calls looking for him are also...
Mine.

Which means my work load has increased significantly overnight.

Strangely enough, i was able to take it all with a smile and laugh, until 4+ when i got too tired =_=.
Sometimes its just not fair why people can slack the whole day away, while i have to slave the whole day away.

But i realise...

I'm not going to care.

Everyone leads their life differently. So be it lor. I'm going to be positive~

That be said i took my weekly jog today, despite being horrible & mentally fatigued.
Wish me luck for tomorrow as well~

Wed - Never give up -

Manpower was scarce.
Report sick rate was high, thanks to In camp training.
I had a runny nose, and felt cold.

Need i say more?

I did manage to load up some stores to certain ships. It was quite fun actually... we created our own fun. I haven't been in a ship for some time now too, so it was quite an experience.

Anyhows, i didn't feel like returning home after work, so i decided to meet Noel up. Since he took forever, i decided to go to the POSB bank first and meet up with Junxiang a bit. Decided to apply the POSB Go card on the spot. its like the debit card thing, just that you can't use it online(which i realised much later after i got the card).

I managed to get to the counter with the prettiest clerk. How nice. She looked a bit sian at seeing me though. hmmph. well what was i expecting? haha.. Junxiang told me she was my age. gee, i must look much younger when placed beside her.

Annnyways, after dinner at Mos, wanted to pool a bit, but it was so darn crowded that we went to the arcade instead. I managed to complete Time Crisis 4 with 1 credit! (albeit with a friend). And to think i lost 2 lives out of 3 in the first 5 minutes, in the first area!

Its like losing 2 of your comrades in a war, and you're the only one left, but you won it against mighty odds.

I learnt that miracles can happen. Even when it looks all dark and gloomy.. just perservere! You may end up winning!

Today's also the last day of the seventh month. Glad to say i didn't see anything this year either. Yet i'm so tired. Tiredness seems to be a part of my life now... hmm.

I'm going to be busier tomorrow thanks to my partner who's going for a wisdom tooth extraction. It means i'll be doing at least 50% more work tomorrow. Sigh.

I'll be optimistic about this.. tomorrow Will be a good day~

More about Salsa

Okay. i know i already talked alot about this yesterday, but i'll just like to point out why i think this is so much better than Clubbing pubbing.

The people there really looked like they're having fun.

I mean, in clubs or pubs you see people who dress up very well yes, either stand around, or dance on the spot, some of them looking damn gloomy like you just killed their pet cat.

But in that small place, i was able to see many people ... they looked like they were having fun, there were lots of smiles, and the attitude of the people there were ... generally friendly.

Well. I guess its a matter of class. No bengs and lians will go to a place like this...

Yea. I lost my train of thought. I'm tired. Beh.

An interesting Article

ST, Aug 19, 2006
Why he has stopped being chivalrous

IT IS no secret that much has been said about Singapore men lacking in chivalry. It is also no secret as to which gender the accusers belong.

I agree that some men are indeed lacking in chivalry. To a certain extent, this would include yours truly.

I am 37 years of age and was, in my earlier years, full of this so-called 'chivalry'. I had believed very strongly in this quality and had no bias regarding the age, race, nationality and gender of those shown this 'chivalry'.

Sadly, that was in the past.

This quality in me has 'died'. After years of giving up my seats to those in need (mostly the old and pregnant women); holding doors open for folks passing through after me (mostly women); helping to retrieve articles for people who had dropped them (again, mostly women), I regret to say that only a handful of these people whom I had shown such basic courtesy had smiled and said 'Thank you!' (mostly men).

Most of the women simply walked away either as if nothing had happened or with a facial expression that seemed to imply I had done or said something rude to them.

All I had done was something most would describe as either chivalrous or courteous.

Well, I certainly know why I hesitate to be chivalrous to the 'fairer sex' these days.

Alex Tan Li Er

--------------------

I totally agree. Some of my friends expect all this from us, and more, without even getting a thank you in reply. I've been doing it for years. I don't know if they have taken me for granted or not, but at a recent birthday gathering some of the girls said, "Hai, they're not gentlemen at all, ask them to take something for us also don't want/lazy."

No really. Do you think we're slaves or something? Are we expected to do each and every 'command' that you issue? Maybe if you start paying us i can start considering that, or maybe if i'm your unlucky boyfriend.

Somehow when i meet back my old friends, i feel like i've been hanging out with the wrong crowd or something. Actually, more like i've been hanging out with the wrong type of girls.

Okay i'm off track liao.

Oh yea Gerlind, i should have opened the doors for you the other time, just that i blur and tired that day. I'll try to remember next time haha.

- Aaron

Monday - Busy day at work - Salsa lessons! -

Whew, can't believe i'm writing this so late.

Today morning was especially crowded. Everyone decided to report sick today it seems. Hmmph.
I didn't get much help, but this time i managed to ease through without feeling overly grumpy, or my face being too black.

There are times when they could have offered help, but hey, who wants to help when you can tuang a bit? I totally understand this, so its fine. I can cope, its okay.

Work aside, i agreed to meet up with Jiahao tonight to go for Salsa lessons. Yes... Salsa... Dancing! Its at some place near Chinatown MRT station, and so we met, and walk over. His friend fetched us in.

The place was like... sorta a club. There were 3 dancing halls, if you like to call them that, but i was only exposed to one. Basically we idled and chatted a bit until the elementary Salsa lessons started. There were quite alot of people there (around 10+) though it was only later that we realised that they weren't attending this the first time.

In the beginning it was rather easy to catch. Like left leg up, right leg stamps on the spot, left leg comes back, etc. Then there's the sidestep, which was easy as well. Then comes the spinaround.
Sheesh. I don't get it. The spinaround part. I just don't get it. Until the end of the lesson then i agar agar get it.

Well the good thing about this is that its a partner thing. And most people won't be that fed up with beginners, so.. it was a good learning experience. I've never really danced a couple dance before, so yea.

The people there ranged from 19-30+. That's just an estimate ar. The lesson we attended took like an hour? Then another hour for their intermediate class. You could see it was a bit more advanced footwork, but it does look rather good.

We stayed around til the end, cause we had to wait for Jiahao's friend before we went for dinner..

Well you remember i was contemplating about getting a new hobby? I'm not putting much thought in this, but it sure is well, a bit interesting. It does beat going home and gaming everyday.

At least someday i may be able to say, i danced salsa for 2 years, instead of i gamed for 10 years or something. It does sound better right? Haha..

Nothing's concrete yet. I would appreciate if there are people out there who would like to open a private group with me. Its better to learn with familiar people at your own pace after all, the more the merrier, cause the cheaper it'll be.

Anyways, reached home rather late, and then had to scan some pictures for Gregory due tomorrow. Yawns.

Its 12:30 already, and i'm really tired. I did want to go home early today and skip that whole salsa thing since i was having the runs... but beh, my friend was afraid of going on his own, and since i totally understand, i went with him.

Overall it wasn't that bad. I was exposed to a whole new world. Truth be told i think this is so much better than clubbing and pubbing. The latter is something i will not understand for a long time maybe.

*shrugs*

At least i'm not regretting it now. I may regret it tomorrow though.. haha .. =_=

Here are the pictures for the Ge You Hui~

Look who's here? The singer from Milo Ice! Winner of the Superband~


These 2 singers came together with Darryl and Silver... they're both from China, and i have no idea who they are as well.



Pictures of Silver and Darryl. Zi Hui and Zi Wen.



These 3 are hosts. I have no idea who they are also.

These 3 people were taking turns singing. Their voices weren't well, that bad, but who... Who are they?

Sunday - A mini concert -

Well, i told you yesterday i drank a bit right? I slept at 2am cause my eyes just couldn't take it anymore..

Eyelids were very heavy, my sneezes sounded weird, my face was burning, the empty cup felt heavy... whew.

I woke up at 8+, went to the toilet, drank a bit, then slept again til 12+...
I knew i couldn't sleep anymore, so i decided to come online a bit.

Managed to see Gerlind online, so i asked if she wants to accompany me over to Bras Basah for Darryl's thing. She agreed, and then i set off for Bugis...

I didn't know that Bras Basah was just beside the national library, which is a few minutes walk away from Cityhall / Bugis...

Went up all the way to the 5th floor, where we found out where the music originated from. 3 People were on the stage, 1 of them was singing. Now who were they? I have no idea. Their voices weren't that bad, but they don't look a day past 16. Hmm.~

Maybe same company huh?

It was then i found out that this event is Elson's "Ge You Hui". So these 3 kids were singing for 30+ minutes, then after a while Darryl and Silver, and a China couple went up on stage to sing a song each... then Elson comes in.

I seriously don't know who he is. They played a few games, then at 4 they stopped. Hmm. I didn't stay til 4 though, a bit before that i left to visit the bookstore. I walked around a bit, and actually bought 2. 1 of them by Raymond E. Feist "Jimmy the Hand", and a motivational book by John Gray.

After that we went to macdonalds and had our ... lunch/dinner. I saw a aBMT mate of mine working there... he's actually making quite alot .. $5 an hour, $1.50 for each trip outside.. and OT.. whew.

NSFs technically aren't supposed to work outside though. Why i have no idea. But yea, that's the way it is..

We actually had quite an enjoyable talk... she told me that the amount i drank was either
1) Very impressive
or
2) Suicidal

Apparantly i had added in wayy too much, and the concentration was too high. Its a miracle i didn't end up puking or anything like that.

Well, i'll be careful next time, i'll add orange juice or ribena... and just a bit of vodka next time... (Next time seems very far away though)..

Then left for home...

Pictures will be uploaded tomorrow or later, depending.
Yawns, i tink i'll sleep early tonight..

Pictures of the previous day~

Saturday - David's chalet -

I woke up near 3+, then proceeded to eat a bit before heading over to Tampines.

Was entertained by my PSP throughout... and then me and Zacky went to check out the shops for David's present..

After looking for more than an hour, we finally found what we wanted... a shirt and shorts bought at Charles & Keith for $21. Well, it was his 21st birthday... There Zacky met a girl that's so his type... in fact, he's planning to come back tomorrow to meet the girl and get her number... gee..

Throughout our 'shopping session', Jiayan kept calling us and wanting to meet us. Sheesh, i don't want to meet her. We kept giving excuses, and when i realise it wasn't going to work, i told her that we'll meet her later after we complete our shopping.

Then took 29 to his chalet, which took about 30 minutes at least. We ate a bit, then went to the above room to slack. At 9+ Darryl and Silver came. Yea, they're together now. Finally eh?

We cut the cake, and then took some pictures and basically just crapped together. But soon Darryl and silver had to leave, oh yea, he invited me to their 'appearance' tomorrow at Bras Basah complex. Seems they'll be releasing a Singles Cd tomorrow. And they will be singing a duet too.

I should be going there unless something comes up.

David looks the same, the cake was okay, the food was okay, but the place is quite ulu. Which makes me wonder if i should hold a chalet or not for my 22nd birthday. Hmm~

We took the bus and train home, i reached home at 12+, then decided to drink some of the Absolute Vodka i asked my dad to buy...

Sheesh. I must have added too much vodka, cause my face is totally red now. My hearing is a bit impaired, and my vision is clouding. ho ho ho..~

I wonder. I still got a bit more to finish. hmm~

Friday - Funeral - Jiahao -

Today afternoon was pretty slack. At around 3+ we were slacking around already.

I took Jiahao's bike from base to Tampines, which took about 50+ minutes. I must say, i haven't ridden a bike for quite some time. The first 15+ minutes were pretty cool, feeling the wind on my face and stuff, then after 35+ minutes my back was starting to hurt =_=

I didn't dare to sleep, for fear of falling off. It is quite scary when you think of it. Oh yea, when the bike weaves through traffic too, you could almost feel the cars beside you.

Went to Jiahao's house so that he could get changed, then headed over to Sharon Dad's funeral. It was a typical funeral, she doesn't look like she changed that much, other than the eye bags on her face to show that she's been crying..

We left maybe around 30+ minutes later, rode over to Tampines mall Billy Bombers to grab a bite. The food looked good, but it didn't taste that good. Beh. Isn't that typical?

Me and Jiahao then talked quite alot. Talked about life, girls and stuff in general. He then invited me to Salsa lessons on monday. Well, he told me its a good place to know many strangers, which is quite true. He knows nothing about Salsa anyways, and *shrugs*, i thought why not? Dancing is well, sounds pretty cool.

Reached home at close to 12, and slept at 3+.

Thursday - Rice Table -

This afternoon was pretty slack. I was able to plug in my mp3 player to the computer as i was doing my work. Really grateful to kangwei for his songs, whew, i really leeched quite alot of songs from him.

In the evening we went to Rice Table at Cuppage. It was pretty cool, 15 of us leaving TMC together and going to lakeside. At lakeside i actually managed to see Noel and his brother, who was heading to Kallang. Heh, we challenged each other to Virtua tennis, where i pretty much won most of it.

Alighted at City hall and then went to cuppage.

Rice table was basically indonesia food... they serve you with 30+ small dishes first, and then subsequently you order what you like.

I must say, it was pretty filling. After maybe 40 minutes and a few dishes later, we were ready to leave... Sad to say we didn't do anything much after that, cause tomorrow IS a friday after all.

Me gary Jiaxing and Ivan waited 20+ minutes for 502, and the trip took 20 minutes. Hmm, i didn't say anything much cause they were talking about their time at CMC.

After standing all the way back home, i was just wondering what to do tomorrow when Jiahao called me and asked if i would like to attend Sharon Dad's funeral =_=.

I agreed, and that solves my problem huh?

Btw Edward just came back from a month long sailing, and he got scolded today for 'looking like a sailor'. It seems the pockets on his coveralls were half torn.. oh well.

I was bored

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is medium. In general, you prefer to have only one love interest. But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long! There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering. Experience Level: Your experience level is medium. You probably have had a couple significant loves. And you may have even had your heart broken. But you haven't really dated a wide variety of people. Dominance: Your dominance is low. This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced. You know a relationship is not about getting your way. And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom. Cynicism: Your cynicism is low. You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance. No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter. You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate. And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon. Independence: Your independence is medium. In relationships, you need both "me time" and "we time." You usually find it easy to be part of a couple. But occasionally you start to feel a little smothered.

The Five Variable Love Test

Tuesday - Goals in life? -

I didn't sleep well cause i got called up twice just when i was falling asleep.

Woke up feeling tired. Really tired. The feeling didn't recede throughout the day.
i sent someone to the SAF ward today... not much people knows this, but i really enjoy sending them over, cause i get to hear their story.

Everyone has a story, and for yours to be desperate enough to be sent into the SAF ward, it must be interesting right? hmm, i'm not putting it right. don't know how to explain this lar.

Anyways this guy is married, and he's only 20~ And they've only known each other for 6 months... and she's pregnant... and the thing is he already thought of what to do when he ORDs... the baby should came out just on time..

Some people already planned what they want to do after they ORD... i haven't though.. i feel like i'm drifting around aimlessly.

Maybe that's why. I don't have a goal i'm striving for. I'm too nua.

Sigh.

Anyways i managed to catch up with Budee a bit when i was withdrawing some money. I may just decide to get the SCV program thing after all.. He just orded a while and he's working double jobs already...~

Met up with Kelvin and his gf. Wah lao eh... his girlfriend looks 13! I swear! Even though she's 15 .... ... kelvin looks quite old when placed beside her.. haha. They're quite a cute couple though.

Played quite alot of Virtua Tennis with Noel today... i've learnt alot more in that 1 hour than those many hours playing with computer...

I suppose the same goes for life, and for everything else eh? You'll learn more by playing with real people than anything else...

Reached home still feeling out of it, yet i've so many things to do i don't want to sleep yet. Sighh...

Frustrated~

I signed one extra today.

Why?

cause i was late for duty. Well, technically duty people are supposed to reach at 7:30, but most people reach at 7:40. I reached at 7:50. I admit, i was late.

But so were countless other people... but i don't see them signing extra, only me and 2 other sacrificial lambs who happened to be late today.

Weird. I feel like either i'm being targeted, or i'm really unlucky.

Its strange how other people can be say, late or come at 8:20 most of the time, yet nothing happens. I reach at 8:05 on average, and usually come to duty on time at 7:35. Yet for this time i was late i was caught.

Why me?

Why i so suay?

Why people do little wrongs every day and they don't get caught, but i do a little wrong just ONE day, and i'll get caught?

Haha, i think deep down i'm so guai, its because i get caught half the time when i do something wrong... make it 90%. Or maybe because i have a good track record most of the time, once i stray off track its too damn obvious, and someone has to make a comment or do something about it?

Its hard to be perfect, but its harder yet, when people seem to get around things, while me, who occasionally strays off the path cause its uneven, gets slammed in the face everytime.

This is not about the one day extra, i'm fine with that. Its the fact that LIFE IS SO DAMN UNEQUAL.

Too bad i'm a libra, i believed in equality too much.

I guess its time to stop dreaming and grow up... time to watch my back, time to wisen up and be more alert.

Saw this in an email

Never frown, even when you're sad, because you'll never know,
Who's falling in love with your smile..~

Get angry if you must,
Then get over it

Don't cry cause its over,
Smile, cause it happened

If one day you feel like crying, Call me
I can't promise i'll make you laugh,
But i'll cry with you

If one day you want to run away, Call me
I won't promise to ask you to stop,
But i'll run away with you

If one day you don't want to listen to anyone, Call me
I promise to be there for you, and i'll be very quiet

But if one day you call,
And there's no answer
Come fast to see me,
Perhaps i need you.

Monday - Sleep -

I slept for 3 hours today. Reached home at 1+ cause of ktv... had a bit of insomnia when i tried to sleep at close to 3.

Wow. I tried to sleep on the bus to work, but i couldn't. Some idiot turned on his radio mp3... (nah, just his headphones to the max) and let everyone in the bus listen to his songs.

Why would people want to do that? Aren't headphones supposed to be like, for you to fade into your own world? Not to serve as a speaker?

One will never understand the world of bengs and mutts unless you are one of them.

Thankfully i was able to go on despatch today, so i reached home early. I tried to sleep at 4:30, but i got wakened up by a couple of phone calls and smses for help.

Its strange really, sometimes i wonder why they don't call when i'm free at work.. but then i realise... like seeing the bus leave when you just reach the bus stop, that everything has its day.

Fate or God is not out to make you suffer, its all balance, isn't it?

I did eventually get to sleep for 5 hours, though i didn't quite want to wake up. But wake up i did, and i shall be sleeping soon enough, i'm still tired!

hmm, don't know what more to type, but here's to a good day tomorrow~

Ramblings - random thoughts on life/love -

I just felt like typing these: i don't know where this would lead, and therefore i call them ramblings. They don't necessary mean anything, just some thoughts i have...

As a child, i wasn't like those people who wanted to grow up fast, turn 16 so they can drink and smoke, (no wait, actually i did want to turn 16 so i can go into the arcades legally. hah~), and maybe go into pubs.

I wasn't interested in any of those.

I think from young, i just wanted to stay young.

I don't know how stress it would be when i grow up, or when does one person actually grow up? Is it defined by your age? Like when you're 21?

Or is it defined by eventful moments in your life? Somehow when i typed the last line, the only thing i recall is my 2 friends who committed suicide. Damn. What did they die for? They died for someone who didn't deserve them, that's what.

I learnt that life, isn't at all like what they show in the movies. The nice guy will always finish last, the bad guys will usually live to a ripe old age, and heroes die first. The good people will end up dying first too. Life is unfair, at a point in our life one will realise that.

Now that's life.

Love however, is absolutely nothing like the movies or books you read about. The feelings that one experiences varies, but most people will have experienced heartbreak, jealousy & envy, and also hopefully the feeling of completeness, and warmth and joy.

Yet when one experiences heartbreak and jealousy more than anything else, does Love become uglier for them? Or sweeter? Its always two sided isn't it? What you experience can make you stronger, or it can also break you.

Its all those experiences in our life that defines us, what we are now. And what i am now ... isn't someone i would envy.

I still seek to find that 'perfect' someone, even though i've been hurt time and again.. (damn, i knew i shouldn't have broken those chain messages.. haha.~) I may have already met her, and lost her... (but i sure hope not), yet a part of me is still dreaming.

At least i can dream ... if i ever lose my dreams in love and hope... i think there's really nothing for me to live on anymore.

---

Somehow, everyone expects me to be married in the next few years... i mean, are you people taking it for granted? I'm seeing being a bacholar for the next few years a definate possibility here.. i must say i'm thankful i'm not a girl...

Otherwise there will be people saying 'when are you getting married ar?'

Sheesh. I think somehow those people are either out of topics, or they're damn insensitive. What has other people getting married got to do with you anyways? Esp relatives... omg. I haven't even got asked this question yet and i'm already scolding them... what's wrong with me? Lol~~

Anyways, marriage is about 2 people... okay, and maybe their parents and siblings... okay, add their friends in too, no wait, add their extended family... then again, add in everyone else.

Marriage is primarily about 2 people, but rare is the case that you'll won't be cut off from the outside world... you will have arguements and problems, and sometimes the only way you can solve them is through outside help... or friends for that matter.

okay.. i think that's enough random thinking for tonight. See you again people~

Loss of Memory?

I don't know if its NS or is it just life in general, but nowadays i can't seem to remember anything more than 2-3 days away...

Like what did i do on say, thursday. I actually have to think... i mean, if its not a normal day i don't have to think that long, but still, i need to think.

These few days i think i haven't been thinking that much. I just let everything come within me, and the next moment its gone.

Its like seeing a pretty girl go by. You look at her, remember her face for a wihle, think how sweet it is, and the next you forget how she looked like, maybe forgetting that i even saw her.

That's how life is going for me.

Could it be at some point of my life, i decided life was too much of a pain, and my mind automatically set me in auto mode? Sorta like Click..~ One should not underestimate the power of the mind~

Like now, i'm having difficulty remembering Gerlind's and Chiman's face now, even though i just met them on friday...

I got to start thinking more man. Living life by the moment is getting a bit... weird. Not remember what happened the past few days is just weird.

I need more food for the brain! Someone play chess with me~

Sunday - The end of the long non work week -

If you don't already know, i applied leave on thursday and friday...
Meaning i had a 5 day non work week...

And what did i do for the 5 days?

Allow me to summarize:

National day = Fixed comp at friend's place

Thursday = ... fixed the comp too. In the evening i got my hdd back, and spent some time fixing it. Went to Ricky's place to get some stuff into my new external hdd.. I got virtua tennis in too.. been playing it since then.

Friday = Met up with Chiman and Gerlind.. Watched Click. I must say this must be the most enjoyable day... Click was a great show, Gerlind was a surprise, Chiman doesn't look that haggard... that must be a good thing.

Saturday = Skipped the durian outing of Sgforums, went to planetshakers concert which was a major disappointment. I should have done my homework... then i would know they're a rock band. Nothing much after that

Sunday = Slept from 6-4, KTVed at night (clementi partyworld), now typing this.

On and Off i've been playing quite a lot of Valkyrie Profile and Virtua Tennis...

And that's it...~ Do i feel like i wasted the week away?
Actually a bit =_=
But since i got nothing much planned anyways, its a good way to spend it as any..~

Saturday - Planet shakers concert - Expo Theory -

I slept at 6+am, and i woke up at 12+ feeling thrashed.

Man, it sucks when you can't get the sleep you want. haha.~
I reminded Noel about the shakers concert later, and tried to settle the timing and everything for later, while trying to sleep at the same time.

Quite obviously, it didn't work, so i woke up, gamed a bit, ate a bit, gamed some more, and then slept for an hour, before preparing and heading out for Expo.

Reached at 6+ to see greg and friend, and realise that Noel has completely forgotton about it. The concert i mean. I don't know how he forgot actually. Oh well.

Expo was crowded...

Hey actually i have an analysis to make.

Expo is divided into two parts:
1) The church people:
These are the young guys and girls, and most of them seem like they're from some megazine or something..(okay, maybe not that good looking, but still...). These are the bulk of the FCBC and CHC people, and they're generally young and handsome/pretty.

2) The others:
These are the people who go to expo... well, for the exhibitions in expo. Here's where you realise that not everyone in expo is ... lets just say the world is fair.

Everytime i come here its the same. The good looking people will head right, towards CHC,FCBC, while the rest do their own stuff.

Anyways... i went in the place at 6:30... and the thing started at 7:30. So what did i do? I stood there, trying to get into the mood... looked around at those pretty girls, played with a bit of balloons, some light sticks... and basically just...

Stood around.

Until 7:30... when something finally happened. There was a dance that i couldn't see because everyone was blocking, then the Planetshakers finally came.

Omg, they were a ROCK band. Not a pop band, not a band, but a ROCK band.

Greg suggested we leave after the 3rd song. I agreed. And so we left.

We then went to City Hall for dinner... and happened to see the firewoks display. It was pretty cool. Now i know why girls can feel so gushy and romantic over stuff like this.

Eventually met up with Noel, the 4 of us went to Carl's jr, had dinner. Then greg and friend left, me and noel played with our own handheld consoles a while before heading to Marina square arcade a bit.

Oh yea, on the way, i saw a whole load of people. What's going on in Marina Square/Suntec City today anyways?

Took 174M home.. costed 2.50. Strange, thought it was $3 all the way? Maybe that's NR.
Going to game a bit before i sleep.

Yawnz. I wonder what i'll be doing later...

Friday - Met up with Chiman and Gerlind -

Well... i was supposed to meet Noel today since he's on leave, but there were some... complications, and we ended up not meeting.

He was going to sim lim, i had to go to woodlands... *shrugs*

Was supposed to meet Chiman for lunch, but er, i slept late, and woke up pretty late... so ended up.. after some diliberation, meeting her at 7:30.

I left home at around 5, and reached causeway point at 6:10. Whew. 187 takes an hour to reach.

Checked out the timing for the movies, and then went to the library to read... i passed Chiman her presents, which happened to be a jigsaw puzzle and a board for it... in case you don't know, its supposed to be for 2 people to complete.. or more.

ah, almost forgot to write her the email...

i've been wanting to pass her the present since her birthday ... which must be at least 6 months ago, but beh.. only now then i managed to get it to her.. i hope you really are doing well Chiman..~

Then managed to meet up Gerlind at 8:30.

Hmmmmmmm.

What can i say? She wasn't really quite what i expected.
I don't really know what to say about her...

Its really weird(if you can call the feeling that). I've never felt like that when meeting other people before. There was a bit of fear and apprehension when meeting Chiman.. who else did i meet up with anyways?

Perhaps its because she doesn't look her age at all. Or maybe because she talks in english with an accent. Whoa..~ Or maybe... as i told her, i had an impression of her that slowly built up from a year+ ago, and then i see her, and i realise...

My impression and image of her was totally off. Maybe that's what threw me off track..

Its not that you made me feel uncomfortable... its just that i can't seem to place the feeling.. and that made me a little tense. Hopefully it won't be like that the next time we meet.

Haha, next time before i meet someone i'm going to have to talk to them on the phone first. Then i'll know their language preference and accent. lol..~

Anyways.. Click was a really nice show. I laughed alot, almost teared at a scene, and learnt quite alot. Its almost like Life story on TV, makes me appreciate my life so much more..

I need to watch more shows like this..~

Today is a good day. Tomorrow will hopefully be a better one.~

A little update

Alot of things have happened...

I was on duty and once again lots of things happened...
Don't want to bore you with the details, yet can't tell you much cause its confidential.

Lets just say duty wasn't peaceful. lol. It seems like the more you want something to happen, the more it doesn't happen.

I went to Kangwei's house on National day to fix up my hdd. Ended up can't access my stuff and had to format... sad life.

To top it off, i brought my new HDD back, but forgot to bring my old one back.

Sighs.

I ended up jogging afterwards, to find that on my way back the path was isolated... and the lights were off! It got quite scary..~

Thankfully i'm on leave thursday and friday... i got my hdd back on thursday, patched it up... now its better than new~

But i feel like i lost a day just like that. Don't know doing what.

Addicted to PSP Games! Virtua Tennis, Valkyrie Profile...
PC games: Just finished playing Audition...

So many games.. i need a break from it all~

Audition taught me something...
Even if you make no mistakes and others do, you may not end up at the top.
Its what you do normally that matters. If you are able to excel in something, then you'll win... an an aspect.

Bah. no mood to type cheem stuff. Pangyaing a bit..~

Saturday - sighhh -

Even though i slept at 12, the toll of 5hour rests for the rest of the week has totally worn me up, leaving me to have my first 15 hour rest for a very long time.

Played a few hours of ps2 before i got very very weary and .. homesick.(more like feeling too couped up in my room).

I called people out again, but yet again, not too many positive responses..
I need new friends or something... grr.

Finally decided to take my bike out for a spin... and a long spin that was. I biked over to Bukit Batok nature reserve, and it was a very very big place... there was an area there that could pass for xiao gui lin, but it looked a bit creepy at night, so i didn't stay long..

I then biked all over the place. It was a wonder that i didn't get lost actually...

Eventually got thirsty and went to a vending machine... a 100-plus cost 1.20, but i only had 1.15 in my wallet.

Things don't always go the way you plan..

i borrowed a garfield dvd... going to watch it later. Hopefully that will somehow end my cursed streak..

Going through a cursed phase

Quite alot has happened this week.
Met up a few friends on the road, saw a few things here and there... some i'll remember for life... (Like that video i saw on giving birth... oh my god..)
Bid goodbye to Tianyao ... he's ORDing liao... how lucky.

Was supposed to meet Celine to buy a new pair of specs, but she had to cancel last minute.. *shrugs*. I had to go to the library as my books were overdue, and after borrowing a couple of books i realised that...

I had no where to go. There's no one i can ask out.. not much anyways.

Decided to go for a drink at Mos first, where i called people i could ask to come out, and went through my contacts in my phone.

Makes me wonder, why do i have so many numbers when the people i can count as friends are less than 15% of them, and the ones i can call out are like... less than 10?

Went to the arcade a bit, then left for home.

I couldn't believe i waited 20+ minute for a single decked bus... and the bus took forever to reach home too.

Sigh. i feel so lonely. or is it just one of my phases?

Reached home, decided to update my computer since there's a windows update, and then opened up my Pangya, ready to shoot some balls.

But who's to know... that my computer would restart?

Beh. got a bit irritated by that... but Who would have guessed that...

The stupid thing will not load up windows anymore? tried basically all the options, but windows wouldn't load, no matter what.

What in the world is going on?

I gave it a rest and played my kingdom hearts 2, before it started to hang at the same place over and over. (I did step over that by going to other areas first... but eventually i'll need to head back.. beh.)

I think up there some people must be laughing or something. Oh, life's a joke.

I slept at 12, on a friday night. Because... there was nothing to do.

Now i finally know why

Long post ahead...

Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS

You hear it all the time: "He was such a NICE Guy, and she's such a Heartless Bitch for dumping him."

I get letters from self-professed Nice Guys, complaining that women must WANT to be treated like shit, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea."

If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.

What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.

Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life...

Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.

Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date".

They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.

They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him.

Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.

Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.

Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here."

The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherintly unlovable anyways?"

More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip!

Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results.

This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love".

Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF.

You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.

I've learnt a few things...

1) Time passes really fast when you have a new hobby/game to play with.
2) You don't really have a lot of time to spare after deducting work, transport.
3) I don't take very well to losing.
4) Its just a game.
5) if you see my face black after losing, its normal. That's the 'ugly side' of me.

I'm so tired =_=

I did alot of stuff in the past 4 days...
but i slept very little.

I feel like sleeping and not waking up for a whole day at least...
But that's not quite possible.

Its friday tomorrow, i hope it'll be a peaceful day...